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I'll start: Raleigh is the Panera Bread of cities. They have hazelnut coffee. Like Raleigh, it's exotic but not TOO exotic.

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It also feels corporate and trying to address many different palates

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Aug 9, 2022Liked by Jeremy Markovich

Asheville is the Mellow Mushroom of cities; generically unique as the franchise grinds the edges off.

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This is fantastically accurate

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author

One wrinkle: Reader Stephen Horn asked what NC city most resembles Cook Out and that's gonna occupy too much space in my brain for the rest of the day. Please help.

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Was already thinking that. I’d go with Marion (or maybe Old Fort) — a little small, not much to look at, but the variety of outdoor activities is pretty staggering.

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Not quite on point. this conjured a quote I always remember from the great columnist Jerry Bledsoe who, after spending a few years in Charlotte, penned words to the effect that, "People in Charlotte fancy themselves as Little Atlanta... but they're really just Big Spartanburg."

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author

Now I'm going to have "Big Spartanburg Energy" in my head for the rest of the day.

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When did he write that? It fits my memory of Charlotte 20 or 30 years ago, but not recently.

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Cary is the Sheetz of cities. Clean restrooms, good lighting, but bigger than it needs to be and ultimately, just a convenient stop.

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Hillsborough is the au bon pain of cities.

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Charlotte is the Chick-Fil-A of cities. Everybody complains about the traffic, but they want in and they want what we got -

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but charlotte isn't closed on sundays...

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Greensboro is the Biscuitville of cities, Actually pretty good, underrated, and only known to people in central NC. Plus super car dependant.

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Winston-Salem is the Little Richard's BBQ of NC cities. Do I even need to explain? So very satisfying with a legacy based on smoking.

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Chapel Hill is Starbucks. Corporate and expensive, and they get new stuff all the time but it's never there for long.

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Gastonia is the truck stop with a Taco Bell of cities.

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founding

No further explanation required. I live in Belmont, the Chik-Fil-A Off I-85 of cities.

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Too funny. I grew up in Belmont. I always poke fun at G-town and Gaston Co, but I also love it there.

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Boone is the Whole Foods Cafe of cities... mostly wholesome but if you look close enough you can see the nose prints on the sneeze guard

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Greensboro is the Golden Corral of cities. Friendly people, plenty of choice, but not very good for you and a bit unsatisfying.

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Morehead City is the Buc-ees of cities. Determined to bring in all the tourists to eat, drink, pump gas and buy trinkets. We leave you smiling until the credit card bill comes in.

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Salisbury is the gas station McDonalds of cities. Quick stop right off the interstate, usually not the cleanest, but it gets the job done and you're back on the road in no time.

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Wilmington is the Olive Garden of cities. They play it up as more exotic and elegant than any other place but it’s really just the Italian version of Chili’s.

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New Bern is the Bonefish Grill of cities. Smaller, but pleasant and water-adjacent. Only Pepsi products allowed on the drink menu!

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Elkin, N.C. is The French Laundry of cities, by the way, the heart of Yadkin Valley Wine Country with a goddamn bus serving visitors to 25 wineries and vineyards, we don't care if you're from Ohio or Ontario. dubya-dubya-dubya dot explore elkin dot com this message presented by the Yadkin Valley Rotary Club

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Burlington is the Biscuitville of cities, and vice versa.

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Owen, I believe our mutual friend Madison would have also agreed with you. We might bristle at the closed after 2pm comparison, but then quickly remind you that once a year there is Biscuitville *after dark* to provide some evening options.

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I don't know if this is on topic or not, but my father came home from a business trip around 1981 with an absolutely epic tale of the horrid meal he got at the Wadesboro Hardee's, to the point that, to this day, Wadesboro, Hardee's, and shitty food are top-of-mind recall when my brother and I shoot the bull.

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If Chapel Hill is the Chipotle of cities, then Carrboro is Sweet Greens without an option for drive through

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Wilmington is the Red Lobster of cities. Lots of seafood available. Once in a while it's actually good. Usually overpriced.

And yes, part of the joke here is that Wilmington doesn't have a Red Lobster, much to the consternation of newcomers.

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Blowing Rock is the Kilwin's Ice Cream of cities. A higher-end sugary treat.

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That should make Highlands the Serendipity of cities — even more expensive.

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Aug 9, 2022·edited Aug 9, 2022

Durham and Asheville aren't traditional chains. They're beloved local restaurants that have opened up a few more locations and feel a little overextended now (see also Rise, Dame's)

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Aug 10, 2022·edited Aug 10, 2022

High Point is the Waffle House of cities. The name tells you what it is. I haven’t worked the rest of this metaphor out, but it seems to fit.

Ocracoke is the Tupelo Honey (Asheville) of cities while Bald Head Island is the Tupelo Honey (Raleigh) of cities. They’re both good and quirky, but one was there first.

Fayetteville is the Arby’s of cities. It’s fine, but 30 minutes later you wonder why you stopped.

Nags Head is the Chuck E Cheese of cities.

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Fuquay-Varina is the Ruth's Chris Steak House of cities in that the name is too complicated for anyone to say it correctly on their first try.

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Hot take: my hometown of Cary is the Starbuck's of cities—maybe once, decades ago, it was genuinely a small, local coffee shop, but now it's this sprawling nightmare that's far outgrown its roots and is more about the aesthetic of quality and luxury than actually achieving it.

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founding

Belmont, the "Chik-Fil-A Off I-85" of cities.

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I’m surprised no one has labeled anywhere as Hooters. (I dare not do so.)

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West Gastonia

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fayetteville

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Goldsboro is the Five Guys of cities, an inappropriate destination if you have even the slightest of peanut allergies

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I see Jacksonville as the Five Guys of cities — they do one thing really, really well but if you’re not there for a burger, they’ve got nothing for you.

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Raleigh is the Hardees of towns.

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Greenville is the Subway of cities.

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